Michael Shurtleff, the man who discovered Dustin Hoffman, Barbra Streisand, and many others, writes in his classic book “Audition”: “[…] it is possible for the auditioner to get himself into such a healthy frame of mind that he enjoys auditioning. It gives him a chance to show his stuff, to practice his craft, to give himself a high feeling, to experience and take a risk, and to meet a new challenge.”
For a guy who was always sitting on the other side of the table, this shows me a few things. First of all, Shurtleff was on the actor’s side—he wanted you to succeed! He wanted you to be good. Secondly, he recognized (probably because of his vast experience) that there is an unhealthy frame of mind that can arise during auditions.
And that is the part I would like to write about. I am obviously not a casting director, so I can’t speak with the authority that Shurtleff has, but I am an actor, a director, and as an acting teacher, I have seen hundreds, if not at least a thousand, young people audition for drama schools. Now, mind you, it’s not the same as a professional audition, but as an actor for 25 years I’ve done my fair share of auditioning. I do have at least one foot in it !
But I digress. Let’s get back to our issue: what is the unhealthy frame or state of mind of the audition-er?
All moods are created by your cognitions or thoughts. This is a principle that is useful if a performer is to understand how their mind works. By cognition, I mean perceptions, outlook, point of view, etc. In other words, what is your mental attitude and belief about auditions?
You are how you are because of how you think!
The second principle is the fact that if you feel “BAD” about something, it is because your thoughts are “colored” by pervasive negativity that paints everything in the doom color of hopelessness.
Your bad thoughts are usually a result of a point of view that is not necessarily originating from facts or experiences themselves but, as the Stoics love to preach, from the way you evaluate these experiences and facts.
We have a tendency to judge ourselves and measure ourselves not against OUR norm but against some other individual’s norm. And trust me, when you do this, you will always come second best! In a very sarcastic and aristocratic British tone “bravo darling, well done…!”
So it is obvious that in our normality, falling into such a trap makes us feel unworthy—we feel like impostors (impostor syndrome)—thus, not worthy of happiness and success. With this frame of mind on the stage while auditioning, it is impossible for us to fully greenlight our own abilities and talents, whatever they might be, without, for some reason, apologizing or feeling guilty about them. Now, think about it: if that is the feeling of inferiority, then the people who thrive in auditions (and trust me, those assholes exist) have the feeling of superiority. The opposite side of the coin.
Inferiority and superiority are sides of the same coin, yes, but you need to realize that the coin itself is spurious—it is counterfeit. The truth is that we are neither inferior nor superior. We are simply us. You are simply you. We are not in competition with any other personality simply because there is no other “person” in the world like you. As the psychologists who work with CBT like to say, “YOU ARE AN INDIVIDUAL.”
AS INDIVIDUALS, WE HAVE TO UNDERSTAND OUR OWN INDIVIDUAL PATH.
This means understanding how our fears operate, recognizing the pressures encountered, the failures experienced, the physical stress and tension, the expectations placed on us by ourselves and others, and our self-consciousness that is so distracting and disruptive. We have to learn how to cope with criticisms, failure, and, believe it or not, a very human emotion: jealousy, and how we relate our worth to the work we do.
Auditions are a stressful ordeal. Some people are not affected by that kind of pressure (the assholes I mentioned), but they are not many. In my rough estimate, 70% of people suffer, and only the remaining 30% function well under such pressure (they usually, for some reason, suffer during a performance and not during auditions). These strange people don’t feel a direct threat to their self-esteem (or at least they don’t admit to one) when faced with rejection, failure, competition, and jealousy. These states are not apparent because they are inherently (or at least it seems so) motivated by the competition itself. To function highly, they need to compete somehow. Performers on stage in front of an audience experience a different stress than before a casting director or an “examiner,” for lack of a better word. When you are on stage in front of an audience, the performance becomes a mutual experience, a shared experience; the audience is on the side of the performer. However, in an audition, the atmosphere is most often (with few exceptions) that of hostile competition, and as I said, there are just a few people who actually love that atmosphere. It truly motivates them.
Can you change your attitude toward such a thing?
Yes! Remember Shurtleff?
“[…] it is possible for the auditioner to get himself into such a healthy frame of mind that he enjoys auditioning. It gives him a chance to show his stuff, to practice his craft, to give himself a high feeling, to experience and take a risk, and to meet a new challenge.”
But it is important to understand that the people on the other side of that desk, looking at you, are not engaged in some sort of conspiracy to keep you from getting that audition (unless you are auditioning for the National Theatre of Greece, then yes, they are; shut up and move on). Most people are looking for the right person just as hard as you are looking for that next job!
If your life is ever going to get better, you will have to take some risks (and actually go to an audition or two—get up, you stupid git, and get to an audition!). There is no way to grow without taking chances. To audition means to take a risk and to loosen your grip on the known and certain, to actually reach for something you are not entirely sure of but for what you believe is better than what you have now or is at least necessary to survive!
So admit you are not where you want to be right now. GET UP AND GO TO THAT FUCKING AUDITION (I DON’T CARE WHAT THE PLAY IS, IT IS EXPERIENCE).
Now, a risk involving the ego or self-esteem is always anxiety-provoking. The only consolation I can offer is that this risk-taking process is the same for at least 70% of people. No matter where you go, there is, for the performer, one moment when they must stand up alone in front of everyone and demonstrate their ability. This is what an audition is!
Your palms sweat, your heartbeat increases, and you feel it in your mouth. There is a cold sense of fear across your chest and down in your stomach. Your mouth goes dry in a split second. You pick up something, and your hand shakes; your knees tremble. Your breath has now changed; your mind is racing, or it does the opposite—it clouds over. For all you know, you are really dying right this very moment!
But NOBODY EVER DIES!!!!!
It is the way we see auditions and the idea of exposure that gets us there. Look, all forms of competition are hostile. I know now some theatres like to announce auditions in the form of “labs” or workshops, etc. They might seem friendly on the surface, but the prime motivation of any audition is to be or do better than the person next to you so you can get that job. If you are going for the workshop, that is fine with me, but I would prefer you get the job… now read this carefully… although it may appear that the world is a competitive place, it is only competitive to those who feel the need to compete. Get it? If you feel that fear, then that is you… get it? You are competing.
Some people (the assholes) don’t even think about it like that. They love that kind of pressure anyhow. For them, it is bread and butter. If you ask them, competing is healthy; they are enthusiastic about it; they believe it is necessary; it gives their life meaning, purpose, and direction. These people don’t compete like you do; it is a different feeling for them!
Now, a good audition-er (like those guys) might get the job (not always the performance). Yet the real frustration lies in those instances where brilliant auditions do not result in employment (National Greek Theatre, anyone?). Also discouraging are those instances where people with minimal abilities get the job because they audition well, while those who are really gifted suck at it! Success is so unpredictable, trust me!
Gordon Hunt, in his book “How to Audition,” writes about some of the feelings one might have during an audition:
– Hostility: Many performers have some hostility towards the audition system and its personification, the person for whom they are auditioning. Perhaps thoughts like these run through your head: “Look at you sitting there. Who do you think you are judging me? Look at that stupid grin on your face. What’s so funny? You think it’s so easy to get up here and do this? You try it sometime instead of sitting there with that self-satisfied look on your face.”
– Resentment: This is a slow-burning version of the above. It may be the result of many rejections, and it may be an overall feeling the performer consciously or subconsciously carries around all the time. It can show in many ways: you may hold back and not give your all; your attempts at humor are underscored with sarcasm; or you may have an overall negative or non-enthusiastic attitude.
– Bluff: The “I’ll show them a thing or two” approach. This is usually evidenced by a forced haughtiness, a “pushed” audition, and a façade of stardom or virtuosity that does not let anyone see the human being underneath.
– Fear: This is the most prevalent negative feeling during an audition and is the real cause of all the feelings listed above.
In another book, Barry Green writes about mental problems different individuals might encounter when under pressure:
1. Doubting abilities
2. Fear of losing control
3. Fear of not being prepared enough
4. Fear of not being able to see or hear or feel (emotions) correctly
5. Fear of forgetting the lines
6. Fear of memory slips
7. General worry
First things first: never go to an audition to get the job OR DO THE FUCKING WORKSHOP… THE AUDITION IS THE JOB, THE WORKSHOP IS THE JOB, SO YOU’VE DONE YOUR JOB!
It is important to move toward a point where you are comfortable with the experience of YOURSELF IN THE ACT OF PLAYING so that your acting experience can come through. Getting rid of the interference (worry, fear) that blocks ENJOYMENT helps you become a good audition-er.
Put your attention on trusting yourself instead of on trying to concentrate or even on trying to lose your concentration on your self-awareness or wild thoughts. Trusting yourself can help ease the worry of failing. Allowing yourself to fail is totally different from asking permission from others. You are allowing yourself; you are not asking anybody’s fucking permission!!!! Allowing yourself to fail opens up the possibility of allowing yourself to succeed!
You must appreciate the service you are providing; by serving others, you are actually serving yourself without even thinking about it!
Visualize yourself succeeding instead of worrying. Relax YOUR BRAIN, stop trying to DO IT by strain and effort. Trust the process.
Stop the shadow talk, the self-criticism—you have the time to think about it later, spy back later! And even when you spy back, reverse the failures. DON’T REHEARSE YOUR FAILURES! We are looking back to understand what we felt and what happened, not to play back ad infinitum and rehearse our failures neurologically, so reverse them!
Be in the here and now! Stop playing “what if.” Find your focus in your actions, in your environment, in your partner.
Have you ever considered the possibility of loving yourself?
Trust your abilities.
Thoughts like “I must” only lead to “must-urbation.”
When you feel weak, don’t turn to others—turn to yourself. The weak always turn to a protector. There are no magic answers; by looking outside, you are not looking inside, where courage lives!
If you feel weak, that is good—it means that it is time to risk! Fear needs courage. You are now obligated to bring out the energy of the Risker! We all have one inside of us!
Find the joy in this process. Joy is the product of exploration. When we explore, we always walk both paths: that of success and that of failure. Wear your adventure shoes!
Never criticize yourself for the symptoms of anxiety or nervousness. Allow them to be there, and when you can, choose another focus for your attention (they will still be there, but you are looking at something else).
SURRENDER LEADS TO TRUE CONTROL!
MAKE YOUR NERVES WORK FOR YOU! Believe it or not, I am asking you to maintain, in some instances, an aggressive attitude—react aggressively instead of negatively to threats and crises. The very situation itself can act as a stimulus to release untapped powers. Think about what you are going to do and what you want to happen instead of what may happen or what you fear will happen.
STOP PROCRASTINATING AND LEAVING THINGS FOR THE LAST MOMENT!
Your do-nothing attitude comes from:
– Hopelessness
– Helplessness
– Overwhelming yourself
– Jumping to fucking conclusions
– Undervaluing the rewards
– Perfectionism
– Fear of failure
– Fear of success
– Fear of disapproval
– Resentment
– Low frustration tolerance (fucking GEN Z people)
– Guilt
– Depressing feelings
WORRY HAS NO MAGICAL QUALITY TO PREVENT BAD LUCK!!!! When a situation actually involves danger, you can sensibly:
A. Change the situation or
B. Accept the danger as one of the unfortunate facts of life. No matter what, the inevitable remains inevitable, and no amount of worrying will make it less so.
Most anxieties related to the dread of making mistakes in public or making a complete ass of yourself in front of others relate back to a fear of disapproval. Why do you think so many great actors in the past acted like total asses and daredevils in public? They were doing it in an effort to gain courage. It is a stupid way, but it made them feel better.
Don’t mistake excitement for fear. An emotion is just energy. Change the title, and something changes inside of you! Surrender into the energy by your own volition, and you are giving up the fear of fear itself!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO SAY FUCK IT!
Experiment with those motherfucking feelings. No, really, do! Do not try to control your symptoms and sensations but rather push them to the point where they can go no further. Who the fuck knows what is beyond that point… maybe you will die… I AM FUCKING KIDDING! Try to increase the intensity and see how far you can carry any particular symptom. What you might find is that it reverses!
Expect the adrenaline; take it for granted that it is going to be there!
NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
You feel terrible. You are breathing weirdly. You are disoriented. You are dizzy? GREAT! The great director/actor Ingmar Bergman once noted that “rigor and dizziness are necessary for inspiration… the dangerous routes are finally the only viable ones.”
DON’T ALLOW ANYONE TO CRITICIZE YOU AS A PERSON; IT IS YOUR SPECIFIC ACTIONS THAT ARE OPEN FOR EVALUATION AND AVAILABLE FOR IMPROVEMENT—ACTIONS, NOT PERSONALITY. Always accept constructive feedback graciously… (you can tell them to go fuck themselves in your imagination later on).
YOUR EGO IS TOUGHER AND MORE RESILIENT THAN YOU IMAGINE. STOP OVERPROTECTING YOURSELF; YOUR EGO BRUISES, YES, BUT IT NEVER BREAKS!
LIKE MEISNER SAID: DO FIRST, THINK LATER!
LIKE WE SAY IN DEMIDOV: BE!
Love and respect,
KF
